Blues are about basic stuff like "woke up this morning" or "I got a good woman." But the blues also needs trouble. So if you've got a good woman then you'd better stick something bad in next (eg: "I got a good woman with the meanest dog in town"). Then keep repeating that line until you think of something that rhymes. For example:

I got a good woman with the meanest dog in town.
Yeah, I got a good woman with the meanest dog in town.
He got teeth like an alligator and he weighs 500 pounds
 

The blues are not about limitless choice. In fact, the blues are butt-deep in stereotypes. For example:

• Transportation: Blues cars are Chevies and Cadillacs. (Not BMWs. Or Volvos. Ever.) Other acceptable blues transportation is a Greyhound bus or a southbound train. Walkin' shoes also play a major part in the blues lifestyle.
• Age is also rigidly controlled. Only adults can sing the blues. Blues adulthood means being old enough to get the electric chair if you shoot a man in Memphis.
• Acceptable blues colors are black and blue. Colors that don't belong in the blues are violet, beige and mauve.
• Blues attire: No one will believe it's the blues if you wear a suit. Unless you happen to be an old black man.
   

You can have the blues in New York City, but not in Port Douglas. Chicago, St. Louis and Kansas City still get good blues mileage. But hard times in Noosa or Margaret River are just a little depression. In the blues, it's always New Orleans that everybody goes "all the way to." But the French Quarter is a blues no-no. The only hard times there are when the ATM is down.

You can't have the blues in an office or a shopping mall (the lighting is wrong). But good places for the blues include the highway, the jailhouse or an empty bed.
 

Do you have the right to sing the blues? Yes if:

• You're blind
• You shot a man in Memphis
• You can't be satisfied

But the answer is no if:

• You have a trust fund
• You were once blind, but now can see
• You're deaf
• You're dead
   

It's been well established that if you ask for water and your baby gives you gasoline, it's the blues. Other blues beverages are:

• Cheap wine
• Any kind of whiskey
• Muddy water

Blues beverages are not::

• UDL premixers
• Bailey's or Midori
• Cafe latte

Although Rubber Biscuits and the Wish Sandwich are famous blues snacks, better stick to common blues grub:

• Greasy food
• Fatback and beans
• Kraft cheddar

Blues food is never a:

• Club sandwich
• Sushi
• Crème brule
• Quiche
   

If it occurs in a cheap motel or a shotgun shack, it's a blues death. Stabbed in the back by a jealous lover is a blues way to die. So is the electric chair, substance abuse, or being denied treatment in an emergency room. But it's not a blues death if you die during a liposuction treatment. Short of actual death, "fixin' to die" is well regarded in the blues.
   

Some good blues names for women:

• Sadie
• Big Mama
• Bessie

Some good blues names for men:

• Joe, Big Joe, Little Joe
• Willie, Little Willie
• Lightnin'

Persons with names like Jason, Kylie, Tabitha, Alexis or Gwenyth will not be permitted to sing the blues no matter now many men they shoot in Memphis.
 

Mix and match from the following.

• Nick name: physical infirmity (blind, cripple, asthmatic)
• First name: add a fruit (Lemon, lime, melon etc)
• Last name: a US president (Jefferson, Johnson, Lincoln, Roosevelt).

Eg: Blind Melon Jefferson